Friends Quotes

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Monica: You don't like the game, because you suck at it.

Chandler: I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.

Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.

Chandler: You hired a male nanny? You hired a manny?
Chandler: You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!

Monica: You kissed another woman!
Chandler: [beat] ...Call it even?!
Monica: Okay!

Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.

Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America

Funny Shirts

Found this at http://wickedpissatees.blogspot.com

Eric Cartman Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.

Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.

I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

There is only one thing worse than standing at the top of the Stairs with three clock in the Morning, and that is realising the wait.

Im not fat..i just got a sweet hockey body

Suck my balls

Doc Jokes

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well, give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your tests results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours?! That's terrible. What could be more worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday...

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A man rushed into the doctor's clinic and shouted: Doctor! I'm think I'm shrinking!

The Doctor calmly responded: Now settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient.

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Worried patient: Doctor, I'm very worried. I'm still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work everyday.

Doctor: Oh, that is nothing to worry about. Just have a drink before your dinner every day- that will soon wake you up.

Patient: Thanks. But last time I consulted you, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol completely.

Doctor: Yes, so I did. That was last week. Medical science has progressed enormously since then.