WE MAKE YOU LAUGH

Friends Quotes

2009-12-01T01:05:00.000-08:00

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Monica: You don't like the game, because you suck at it.

Chandler: I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.

Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.

Chandler: You hired a male nanny? You hired a manny?
Chandler: You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!

Monica: You kissed another woman!
Chandler: [beat] ...Call it even?!
Monica: Okay!

Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.

Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America

Funny Shirts

2009-11-24T01:35:00.000-08:00

Found this at http://wickedpissatees.blogspot.com

Eric Cartman Quotes

2009-11-24T01:09:00.000-08:00

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.

Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.

I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

There is only one thing worse than standing at the top of the Stairs with three clock in the Morning, and that is realising the wait.

Im not fat..i just got a sweet hockey body

Funny Simpsons quotes

2009-01-25T00:18:00.000-08:00

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes ( lie detector glows up )

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow, don't bother to show up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four day weekend!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how?
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy!
Homer: That's the spirit, never give up.

Bart: Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of christmas? You know, the birth of Santa...

Funny Simpsons quotes - (2)

2009-02-13T04:25:00.001-08:00

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck. They just plainly sucked! I've seen team suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: I gotta go Moe, my damn weird kids are listening.

Ralph: Me fail english? That's unpossible.

Bart: What a day, eh? Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them-- as is my understanding...

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I am proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.
Bart: Remember, you can always find east by staring at the sun.

Suck my balls

2009-11-24T00:43:00.001-08:00

Doc Jokes

2009-04-10T00:26:00.001-07:00

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well, give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your tests results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours?! That's terrible. What could be more worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday...

--------

A man rushed into the doctor's clinic and shouted: Doctor! I'm think I'm shrinking!

The Doctor calmly responded: Now settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient.

--------

Worried patient: Doctor, I'm very worried. I'm still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work everyday.

Doctor: Oh, that is nothing to worry about. Just have a drink before your dinner every day- that will soon wake you up.

Patient: Thanks. But last time I consulted you, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol completely.

Doctor: Yes, so I did. That was last week. Medical science has progressed enormously since then.

Nokia Gun-Phone

2009-03-10T21:14:00.001-07:00

Crazy! Crazy! Crazy technology! ... Or I should say " Krazzy ". If you have to use this, what would you use it for?

The Bum-Dumb Test

2009-03-03T04:51:00.001-08:00

I've been having my eleventh grade exams these days. I haven't studied for the upcoming and not done well in those which are over. It's a tough time... Out of frustration I present you this joke-
W A R N I N G! Read it at your own risk. You may lose your knowledge!

Bum-Dumb Questions:

1. What language is spoken by the English people?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with reference to architecture, law, literature and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. How many feet is 0.0 metres?

4. Spell- Bush, Canter, Clinton.

5. Six kings of England have been called Henry, the last one being Henry VI. Name the previous five.

6. Where does rain come from? a) Nancy's b) 7-11 c) Canada d) The sky

7. Advanced math- If you have 3 apples, how many apples do you have?

8. What does CIA ( Central Investigation Agency ) stand for?

9. 'Star spangled banner' is the national anthem of which country?

10. What religion is the Pope? a) Jew b) Catholic c) Hindu d) Polish e) Agnostic [ Check only one ]

11. Which part of the United States produces the most apples? a) California b) Iraq c) Russia d) Pakistan

12. Can you explain Einstein's theory of relativity? a) Yup b) Nope

13. Explain Le Chateliers principle of dynamic equilibrium -OR- Spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS

14. Where is the basement in a 56 storey building?

15. What are coat hangers used for?

The Computer Geek Hubby

2009-02-25T02:15:00.001-08:00

Husband: ( returning from work ) Evening dear, I'm logged in now.
Wife: Have you bought the ring?
Husband: Bad command or file name.
Wife: But I had told you in the morning...
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife: My dress atleast...?
Husband: Variable not found.
Wife: It was a grave mistake that I married you!
Husband: A true case of data type mismatch.
Wife: You're an useless nut.
Husband: By default.
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: Filed in use.
Wife: And who was in the car this morning?
Husband: System unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.
Wife: Will you have something?
Husband: Hard disk full.
Wife: What's with your secretary?
Husband: The only user with write permission.
Wife: What about me?
Husband: Unknown virus detected.
Husband: Do you love me or your PC?
Husband: Too many parameters.
Wife: I'm breaking up with ya.
Husband: Program performed illegal operation. It will close.
Wife: I'm leaving.
Husband: Close all programs and log out for another user.
Wife: It's a waste talking to you.
Husband: Shut down the computer now.
Wife: Good bye.
Husband: It's now safe to turn off your computer.

Porn Flakes

2009-02-22T00:57:00.001-08:00

The all new Kellogg's Porn Flakes. Hurry! Special Edition lasts for limited period only. Note: for ages: 18 and above only [ 21 in some countries ].

Boosts erection levels while watching porn. Side effects: Sometimes makes you feel like a busty chicken [ refer the figure above ].

Damn the evolution!

2009-02-18T06:44:00.001-08:00

It's been more than a century after Mr. Monkey Man told us that we humans evolved from apes. Wondering who monkey man? Hey, it's uncle Darwin!
Well, I have no idea what the science today says about our evolution, but we didn't evolve from apes. And in our country we still believe this.

In some countries, it's a different case-

Bad evolution-

;

Lego Evolution-

Nine dangerous words women use

2009-02-12T02:20:00.001-08:00

These are the nine dangerous words women use:-

1. FINE - this word women use to end an arguement when they are right and you need to SHUT UP.

2. FIVE MINUTES - if she getting dressed, this means HALF AN HOUR. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given time to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. NOTHING - this is the calm before the storm. This means something and YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR TOES.

4. GO AHEAD - this is a DARE, not permission. DO NOT DO IT.

5. LOUD SIGH - this is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she's wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.

6. THAT'S OKAY - this means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for her mistake.

7. WHATEVER - is a woman's way of saying F#CK YOU!

8. THANKS - a woman is thanking you, DO NOT QUESTION OR FAINT. Just say you're welcome.

9. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT - means there's something a woman has told a man to do several times but in now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, " What's wrong? "

Medicine Through Time

2009-02-17T05:40:00.001-08:00

Here is the history of medicine right from the root of... er... well read it -

" Doctor, I have an ear ache. "
2000 BC - Here, eat this root.

1000 BC - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 AD - That payer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 AD - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 AD - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2000 AD - That antibiotic is artifical. Here, eat this root!

B job: Banana job

2009-02-16T09:08:00.001-08:00

Some men will think that the banana is so lucky...

Submit a joke or a funny picture

2008-10-13T06:02:00.001-07:00

Submit a joke or a funny picture! Send them along with your name and your site/blog URL to ar_junu@yahoo.co.uk Please make sure that the joke/picture you send is not copyright © protected. Your name and URL will be published along with them. We respect your privacy and hence your e-mail will not be shared. Thanks!

Medal Of Homer

2009-02-08T01:09:00.001-08:00

Medal Of Homer

If Homer was this brave...

Boobs car

2009-02-10T22:13:00.001-08:00

Boobs car

So who wants a ride?

This hubby needs a lesson

2009-02-10T00:06:00.001-08:00

A man was getting into the shower just as his wife finished her bath and the doorbell rang.

The wife quickly wrapped herself in a towel and ran downstairs to open the door. It was their neighbour, Bob.

Before she could say a word, Bob said, " I'll give you $ 800 for dropping that towel. "

After thinking for a moment, she dropped her towel and stood there for a minute. Bob handed her $ 800 and left.

She covered herself and went back upstairs and her husband asked, " Who was it? "

" It was our neighbour, Bob. "

Her husband then asked, " Great. Did he say anything about the $ 800 he owes me? "

Moral of the story: If you share the critical information about your credit and risks with your shareholders in time, you may prevent avoidable exposure.

Funny Homer Simpson quotes

2009-01-15T10:44:00.001-08:00

Here are some of the funniest Homer Simpson quotes-

*Operator! Give me the number for 911 !

*Bart, with $ 10,000 , we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!

*I'm normally not a praying man, but if you are up there, please make me superman.

*Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

*You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

* (Meeting aliens) Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kid. Eat them!

*I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love and I won't be back for ten minutes!

*What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

*Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

*I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!

*Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14 % of people know that.

*I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

* (Lookin at a globe map... country being Uruguay) Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'

*All my life I've had dream, to achieve my many goals.

*To start press any key! Where's the Any Key?!

*Kids, you're tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is never try.

*Doughnuts, is there anything they can't do?

*Well, it's 1 am. Better go home and spend some quality time with kids.

*When will I learn? The answer to life's problem's are not at the bottom of a bottle. They're on tv.

*Maybe just once some one will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'

Also read Funny Simpson quotes

The only one

2009-01-29T04:47:00.000-08:00

Boy to his girlfriend: You're the only one I've ever loved the most!

True meaning: You're the only one who hasn't rejected me.

This's why Morgan fired his secretary...

2009-01-28T05:54:00.001-08:00

It was Morgan's 45th birthday and he wasn't feeling too good in the morning. He went to breakfast knowing his wife would be pleasant and say "Happy birthday", and probably have a present for him.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone happy birthday. He thought, well, that's wife for you, the children will remember. The children came for breakfast and didn't say a word. So when he left for the office, he was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As Morgan walked into his office, his secretary Janet said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" And he felt a little better that someone had remembered. He worked until noon, then Janet knocked on his door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, it's your birthday. Let's go to lunch, just you and me?"

He exclaimed, "Oh, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" They went to lunch. They didn't go where they normally went; instead went out to a little private place. They had two martinis and enjoyed the lunch.

On the way back to office, Janet said, "It's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

Morgan said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." They were at the apartment when Janet whispered, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go to my bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure!" he excitedly replied. She went to the bedroom and in about six minutes she came out carrying a huge birthday cake followed by Morgan's wife, children and dozens of his friends, all singing 'happy birthday...'

And Morgan sat there, on the couch NAKED!!

The silent treatment

2009-01-27T03:55:00.000-08:00

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first one to break silence [ and lose ], he wrote on a piece of paper, " Please wake me at 5.00 AM. " He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover that it was 9.00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. It said, " It's 5.00 AM. Wake up. "

The blonde ghosts

2009-01-22T07:35:00.001-08:00

Two ghosts of blondes met for the first time. The first blonde asked the other, " How did you die? " The second blonde replied, " I froze to death. "
" Must have been awful, " sighed the first blonde.
Second blonde then asked, " How did you die? "
" I had a heart attack. I knew my husband was being unfaithful, so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding. I rushed to the attic and still no one. And after all that rushing around, I had a heart attack that killed me. "
The second blonde added, " If only you had looked in the freezer we both would be still alive. "

The proud father

2009-01-21T06:43:00.000-08:00

A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud that he started calling his wife, ' Mother of six ' in spite of her objections.

One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home and so wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice, " Shall we go mother of six? "

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouted right back, " Anytime you are ready, father of four! "