ARIES [Mar21-Apr20]- In winter, I'm sure you will be happy. You go out, dance and sing. You splash water... ain't I right? Every frog feels the same.
TAURUS [Apr21-May21]- You are not strong enough in romance and relationships. If behind a man's success there is a woman, behind your failure, there are ten women. If you are a woman, it is the other way round.
GEMINI [May22-June21]- When you are ill, admit yourself at We Make You Well Asylum. You will win a Porsche's photo, HP Touchscreen computer's box, a chance to say Bon Voyage! to the passengers of Airbus A380 and an exclusive opportunity to invite me for dinner at your house. Hurry! Limited Offer.
CANCER [June22-July22]- Don't miss any opportunities to work for a fat guy who doesn't brush. Because you will learn three facts from him-
*You can't touch all your teeth with your tongue.
*After reading this, you will try it.
*Now you will smile.
LEO [July23-Aug22]- Don't visit Asian countries. The people have very bad habits. At a church, a guy lit his cigarette from the candle lighted for the Lord. I was almost shocked and I dropped my Vodka bottle.
VIRGO [Aug23-Sept22]- Do you want to make one million dollars in market? I have a very very simple trick. Start with two million dollars.
LIBRA [Sept23 -Oct22]- If you love your partner more than your partner loves you, then it's "Gone With The Wind" climax in your life. Or if it's vice versa, it is "Romeo And Juliet" climax. So make sure of the balance.
SCORPIO [Oct23-Nov21]- ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Any guess what these are? Question marks? I can see how careless you are about your health. These are the screws fallen from your brain. Kindly fix.
SAGGITARIUS [Nov22-Dec21]- If you fail to complete a task assigned for you to work on a computer, tell your boss that the English alphabet keys on the keyboard were jumbled and you spent all the time arranging them in alphabetical order!
CAPRICORN [Dec22-Jan20]- While travelling to some places, you will have a need to speak English this way-
*Don't dare talk in front of my back!
*I have two daughters and both of them are girls.
*Take 5 cm wire of any length.
AQUARIUS [Jan21-Feb19]- You are the best. You can see tea in tea cup, but can others see the world in World Cup? No. You can send your address to a person's house. Can the person send his house to your address? Again, you are the best.
PISCES [Feb20-Mar20]- Many people walk in and out of our lives. But only true friends leave footprints in our hearts. You left yours in your friends' hearts. And damn! You have a very big foot!!
Gerald: "Have ever you come across a man who at the slightest touch, causes a thrill and makes you tremble?"
Mabel: "Yes, the dentist."
At the height of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $ 1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
Even time has no meaning at all to a lot of women shoppers. My wife left one morning on one of her shopping expeditions announcing, " I'm going to do some shopping. I'll be back in about $ 4.50 or so."
After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your calibre?"
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to wall ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
" No, " the man replied. " Landmines. "
Two years after marriage, a wife asked her husband for some money to buy a new dress, but he demanded to know why she needed one. " Because, " she explained, " I'm tired of people throwing confetti at me when I go shopping. "
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
